'I should have just called for help and ran like hell that day'
Dear You,
I have started making plans. Big plans for travelling and adventuring. Plans of discovery. I will find out the secrets that have been hidden from me. And I will not find it out alone. Too many years have secrets been such a part of my life, and I am now in a position to make my own decisions and find my own answers. After all this time, I will not let you (w)in.
Love San
Monday 4 July 2011
Thursday 13 January 2011
Dirty Little Secret
'Maybe you should just sit back. Because I need to see you smile again.'
Dear You,
Where do I start? I have so many things to say to you. Not least that you are a idiot. Except that you're not. But I wish I could show you what you've done to my heart, my head, my oxygen. Its like you've infested, and now you live there. Just underneath my skin.
You smell foreign, and lovely, and new, like cigarettes and music, the lyrics to which I dont know perfectly yet. You brought a sort of dark colour to my life, and then you took it away, but my fingertips still remember how you feel. And theyre throwing off this heat that was meant for you.
And now my hands are burning, for something I cant have.
Enjoy the weather where you are.
Love San.
Dear You,
Where do I start? I have so many things to say to you. Not least that you are a idiot. Except that you're not. But I wish I could show you what you've done to my heart, my head, my oxygen. Its like you've infested, and now you live there. Just underneath my skin.
You smell foreign, and lovely, and new, like cigarettes and music, the lyrics to which I dont know perfectly yet. You brought a sort of dark colour to my life, and then you took it away, but my fingertips still remember how you feel. And theyre throwing off this heat that was meant for you.
And now my hands are burning, for something I cant have.
Enjoy the weather where you are.
Love San.
Wednesday 7 April 2010
Little Lion Man
'When you lived here it was a city. Now that you left its just a town'
Dear You,
All it took was a short 9 line poem to remind me of you and all the things that we meant to each other.Its hard to believe that we still arent speaking after all this time. Im talking to so many people these days, that I never thought I would, or even could. But you. You were the one thought I'd always have. And its hard to miss you every day. Theres a gap in my life that you used to fill and I couldnt replace you even if I wanted to. Dont think I havent tried. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I start at the hospital on Tuesday, which reminded me of the baby. I hope your taking good care of him. I know you will be. You did such a good job of taking care of me when we were kids.
Better than anyone else could have. It would be nice to hear from you. It doesnt have to be much. Just let me know when you start to forgive me.
Cause your fingerprints havent faded from my life yet.
Love San.
Dear You,
All it took was a short 9 line poem to remind me of you and all the things that we meant to each other.Its hard to believe that we still arent speaking after all this time. Im talking to so many people these days, that I never thought I would, or even could. But you. You were the one thought I'd always have. And its hard to miss you every day. Theres a gap in my life that you used to fill and I couldnt replace you even if I wanted to. Dont think I havent tried. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I start at the hospital on Tuesday, which reminded me of the baby. I hope your taking good care of him. I know you will be. You did such a good job of taking care of me when we were kids.
Better than anyone else could have. It would be nice to hear from you. It doesnt have to be much. Just let me know when you start to forgive me.
Cause your fingerprints havent faded from my life yet.
Love San.
Friday 27 November 2009
Breaking The Habit
"Today I let the mask slip just a little and all the villains come flooding in."
Dear You,
Today I did something that I havent done in just under a year. Not since I was with you. Almost. I just thought that you'd want to know, but I couldnt tell you to your face. I hope you find this letter. Make me talk to you. Dont let me lie. Take care of me. Cause I cant ask you, and i dont like feeling I'm on this slippery slope. I need you to know what I want, what I need, when I cant tell you for myself. Now, more than ever, I need you to know me. Thats all.
Congratulations on your 1st. Im so proud of you.
Love San
Dear You,
Today I did something that I havent done in just under a year. Not since I was with you. Almost. I just thought that you'd want to know, but I couldnt tell you to your face. I hope you find this letter. Make me talk to you. Dont let me lie. Take care of me. Cause I cant ask you, and i dont like feeling I'm on this slippery slope. I need you to know what I want, what I need, when I cant tell you for myself. Now, more than ever, I need you to know me. Thats all.
Congratulations on your 1st. Im so proud of you.
Love San
Wednesday 25 November 2009
All That I've Got
"Those words seemed so sincere, but I've been so lonely here."
Dear You,
I thought that you'd like to know how I felt, since you're always asking. Or rather, you always ask, but you never really want to know. So here it is: today you made me feel like crap. I'm sorry. Thats just the way it is. I'm trying my hardest to make this as easy for you as possible, I know that you're hurting. But I'm hurting too. And none of this is my fault.
You have to make up your mind. You have to either be part of helping us through this, or just look after yourself. Im trying to look after you, but you have to get off the fence. I'm tired of predicting your mood. And I wont always be there. Please let someone help you.
Its raining again. Take an umbrella.
Love San
Dear You,
I thought that you'd like to know how I felt, since you're always asking. Or rather, you always ask, but you never really want to know. So here it is: today you made me feel like crap. I'm sorry. Thats just the way it is. I'm trying my hardest to make this as easy for you as possible, I know that you're hurting. But I'm hurting too. And none of this is my fault.
You have to make up your mind. You have to either be part of helping us through this, or just look after yourself. Im trying to look after you, but you have to get off the fence. I'm tired of predicting your mood. And I wont always be there. Please let someone help you.
Its raining again. Take an umbrella.
Love San
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Walk On Water, Or Drown
“Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.”
Dear You,
I thought that it was about time we spoke. I'm sorry I havent tried harder. Much harder. I hope that youre doing well.
Things here have been fluctuating between good and bad. I leave for university in 6 weeks. The time seems to have gone so fast. But I'm ready. I'm not organised, but I'm ready. Ready to leave this behind.
It seems that my family are falling apart. My dad is off work ill again, with an infection, and my mum is as always. The latest blow has been my nana, who they suspect has cancer. It has come as a massive shock but I'm dealing with it the best that I can. Its difficult. She is my person. With the stress of that, and trying to sort university out, sometimes I'm suprised that i get out of bed in the morning. I finally got a hospital appointment to sort out my hearing, so we should no more by the end of this weekend.
I think that it would be easier I had more friends here. Most of them have left to University already. I have one or two to talk to online and of course I have Joshua, but he's so far away and sometimes its a struggle being alone. I wish you were here often. You always reminded me to breathe.
I'll write again soon
Love San
Dear You,
I thought that it was about time we spoke. I'm sorry I havent tried harder. Much harder. I hope that youre doing well.
Things here have been fluctuating between good and bad. I leave for university in 6 weeks. The time seems to have gone so fast. But I'm ready. I'm not organised, but I'm ready. Ready to leave this behind.
It seems that my family are falling apart. My dad is off work ill again, with an infection, and my mum is as always. The latest blow has been my nana, who they suspect has cancer. It has come as a massive shock but I'm dealing with it the best that I can. Its difficult. She is my person. With the stress of that, and trying to sort university out, sometimes I'm suprised that i get out of bed in the morning. I finally got a hospital appointment to sort out my hearing, so we should no more by the end of this weekend.
I think that it would be easier I had more friends here. Most of them have left to University already. I have one or two to talk to online and of course I have Joshua, but he's so far away and sometimes its a struggle being alone. I wish you were here often. You always reminded me to breathe.
I'll write again soon
Love San
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