"Today I let the mask slip just a little and all the villains come flooding in."
Dear You,
Today I did something that I havent done in just under a year. Not since I was with you. Almost. I just thought that you'd want to know, but I couldnt tell you to your face. I hope you find this letter. Make me talk to you. Dont let me lie. Take care of me. Cause I cant ask you, and i dont like feeling I'm on this slippery slope. I need you to know what I want, what I need, when I cant tell you for myself. Now, more than ever, I need you to know me. Thats all.
Congratulations on your 1st. Im so proud of you.
Love San
Friday, 27 November 2009
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
All That I've Got
"Those words seemed so sincere, but I've been so lonely here."
Dear You,
I thought that you'd like to know how I felt, since you're always asking. Or rather, you always ask, but you never really want to know. So here it is: today you made me feel like crap. I'm sorry. Thats just the way it is. I'm trying my hardest to make this as easy for you as possible, I know that you're hurting. But I'm hurting too. And none of this is my fault.
You have to make up your mind. You have to either be part of helping us through this, or just look after yourself. Im trying to look after you, but you have to get off the fence. I'm tired of predicting your mood. And I wont always be there. Please let someone help you.
Its raining again. Take an umbrella.
Love San
Dear You,
I thought that you'd like to know how I felt, since you're always asking. Or rather, you always ask, but you never really want to know. So here it is: today you made me feel like crap. I'm sorry. Thats just the way it is. I'm trying my hardest to make this as easy for you as possible, I know that you're hurting. But I'm hurting too. And none of this is my fault.
You have to make up your mind. You have to either be part of helping us through this, or just look after yourself. Im trying to look after you, but you have to get off the fence. I'm tired of predicting your mood. And I wont always be there. Please let someone help you.
Its raining again. Take an umbrella.
Love San
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Walk On Water, Or Drown
“Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.”
Dear You,
I thought that it was about time we spoke. I'm sorry I havent tried harder. Much harder. I hope that youre doing well.
Things here have been fluctuating between good and bad. I leave for university in 6 weeks. The time seems to have gone so fast. But I'm ready. I'm not organised, but I'm ready. Ready to leave this behind.
It seems that my family are falling apart. My dad is off work ill again, with an infection, and my mum is as always. The latest blow has been my nana, who they suspect has cancer. It has come as a massive shock but I'm dealing with it the best that I can. Its difficult. She is my person. With the stress of that, and trying to sort university out, sometimes I'm suprised that i get out of bed in the morning. I finally got a hospital appointment to sort out my hearing, so we should no more by the end of this weekend.
I think that it would be easier I had more friends here. Most of them have left to University already. I have one or two to talk to online and of course I have Joshua, but he's so far away and sometimes its a struggle being alone. I wish you were here often. You always reminded me to breathe.
I'll write again soon
Love San
Dear You,
I thought that it was about time we spoke. I'm sorry I havent tried harder. Much harder. I hope that youre doing well.
Things here have been fluctuating between good and bad. I leave for university in 6 weeks. The time seems to have gone so fast. But I'm ready. I'm not organised, but I'm ready. Ready to leave this behind.
It seems that my family are falling apart. My dad is off work ill again, with an infection, and my mum is as always. The latest blow has been my nana, who they suspect has cancer. It has come as a massive shock but I'm dealing with it the best that I can. Its difficult. She is my person. With the stress of that, and trying to sort university out, sometimes I'm suprised that i get out of bed in the morning. I finally got a hospital appointment to sort out my hearing, so we should no more by the end of this weekend.
I think that it would be easier I had more friends here. Most of them have left to University already. I have one or two to talk to online and of course I have Joshua, but he's so far away and sometimes its a struggle being alone. I wish you were here often. You always reminded me to breathe.
I'll write again soon
Love San
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